White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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