What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
