Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize