My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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