I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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