Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
