bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
