haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he puts the penis in happiness.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
