I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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