My friends, they love my intelligence
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think i have herpe
just one?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize