Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
