just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh god it's open bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
