Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
