careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize