we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
