my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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