We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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