he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
