I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why do cheetos always look like penises
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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