She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
