Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
