She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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