I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
