I heard we made out
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My breasts were aching with rage.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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