i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize