We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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