Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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