New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
