I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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