In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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