High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
