I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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