having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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