I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just google imaged poop.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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