Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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