this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
