I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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