you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
