Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
