Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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