i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
