YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize