Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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