you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize