i jhust puked up my retainher.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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