I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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