How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
