Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize