be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
