dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
