You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
