She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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