You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
