I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
