just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
