he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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