yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
