You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
