i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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