I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Enjoy the penises
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
