I CAN MOONWALK!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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