I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize