you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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