So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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